On a Tuesday night, Jeff is sitting in his room staring at his phone. His life feels like a monotonous drag. He goes to school, talks to a few people, goes home, looks at his phone for a couple of hours and goes to bed. He repeats this cycle for days on end, with the only entertainment in his life is his phone. Jeff has tried to make friends at school, and while people are friendly, he doesn’t feel connected to anyone. He has given up on making real friends. And while Jeff might sound unusual, this is the reality for many normal kids. Some people have difficulty talking to people, while others don’t want to participate in the perceived insincerity of high school. For the time being, Jeff has decided that it is just better to be by himself. Being lonely might not be a choice for everyone, but it can be a difficult situation for people to be in. Loneliness is hard and can contribute to depression, anxiety and other health issues
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What is Loneliness
Loneliness is a state of mind where one might feel isolated or excluded by others. It can appear that someone is not lonely because they are around other people, but loneliness is a mental thing. Lonely people long to connect with others, but might find it difficult. In some cases, there may not be like-minded people to connect with. The struggle may lie in difficulty relating to peers or being around people who don’t share similar interests. Loneliness is a bigger deal than many people expect because there is a stigma around being lonely. You would be surprised to find that more people are lonelier than they look. However, there is greater awareness of how prevalent loneliness is. There are articles describing the loneliness epidemic we are in now. The US Surgeon General, Vivek Murthy, actually touched on this topic quite recently. Here is a quote from Dr. Murthy.
“Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled, and more productive lives”, noted U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy. “Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritize building social connection the same way we have prioritized other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity, and substance use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely, and more connected.”
There are measurable health consequences of loneliness. “The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.” U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Loneliness is a bigger deal than most people think, and it’s underappreciated, just like the Surgeon General says. Dr. Murthy has highlighted loneliness as a significant health problem. Dr Murthy underscores the consequences of the loneliness epidemic, which affects people from all walks of life. While the Covid -19 pandemic did affect mental health issues across the US, this issue has been growing over time. There have been many studies that have similar statistics to the ones described by Dr. Murthy. These studies have demonstrated that having friends and close relationships can increase your lifespan and ward off dementia. Loneliness is damaging. It can contribute to other mental health problems, such as depression. People who describe themselves as lonely are more than twice as likely to develop depression. The problem of loneliness is compounded by the fact that simply admitting you are lonely can be difficult, and it is not easily solvable. Sometimes it is difficult to connect with other people and there isn’t an easy solution for loneliness.
Why is Loneliness Increasing
There are a couple factors leading to loneliness in the United States, but one key one is social media. The first issue with social media is that conversations are very surface level. With just words, it is difficult to tell how that person is really feeling. Without body language and voice, it is difficult to tell how the writer really feels. Furthermore, it is difficult to talk about deeper topics with people over social media. Social media is also a very curated view of the poster’s life, with Apps like Instagram only showing the best parts of people’s lives. Social media can make everyone seem that they are really happy, when in reality, people may be feeling the opposite. In general, social media’s negatives may outweigh its pros if you are looking for deeper social connections because much of the content may be staged.
In the same vein, the way our society is structured can contribute to loneliness. The surgeon general talks about trying to create a more connected culture, which is important to preventing loneliness. A recent PBS article actually traces the increases of loneliness to the 1970s, where people were busy with activities like work. Today there are even more activities that eat away our time and therefore leave less time for social interaction. It does make sense that if there were fewer individual activities, perhaps we would be less lonely. For example, many video games are played by yourself at home, even if it is an online multiplayer game, all the players are physically by themselves in their rooms. This is very different from when our cavemen ancestors would sit around the fire in the company of others. It is only natural that our brains would suffer negative effects from being by oneself. Nothing can replace the in person human interaction that our brains need for healthy function. PBS
Tips for Reducing Loneliness
Offering solutions for loneliness is difficult, as loneliness can be a different to different people. In this blog, I can only aim to offer general information about treating loneliness.
Hobbies
For school age people, this is a good way to meet people who might have similar interests to you. For example, if you play sports, your school’s sports teams are a good way to meet people who might have similar interests. School clubs are also a good way to meet people with similar interests or backgrounds. Hobbies are one of the main ways for people to meet individuals with similar interests to them. For older people, it is more difficult to connect with others because most people are busy with school, work or their families. It may be more difficult to meet more people, but there are groups for people. In my area, there is a Pokémon Go adult group that meets up and plays Pokémon Go together. I think that for adults, just meeting people and finding others with similar interests can help greatly to make meaningful connections and decrease loneliness.
Take a Break from Social Media
The effects of social media on our mental psyche is understated, and social media may put immense strain on our self-worth. For example, Instagram may show you how people always having fun with friends or going to events. The portrayal of events through social media is superficial. Knowing this, it can be helpful to limit the amount of time on social media and use it to communicate or get others contact info in order to minimize the stress of social media.
Try Volunteering
Volunteering is a great way to combat loneliness, as it can help to improve multiple aspects of your life. When you volunteer, you can help others and also find personal fulfillment in this activity. And if you are a high school student, you might need to get volunteer hours as a school requirement, so you can knock out two birds with one stone. You might also find a hidden passion while volunteering. For example, volunteering in a hospital may be a great way to gain valuable insights into how healthcare works, and maybe you might discover that you actually want to work in healthcare.
Conclusion
Many things contribute to loneliness. Loneliness seems more prevalent today than ever before. And it is dangerous and hurtful. So much of what is normal contributes to loneliness. Social media, video games, remote work, contribute to an increasingly disconnected society. Commuting many hours, individual activities, work, and other obligations all compound this issue. Our society is not better for supposed advancements in technology and culture. Anxiety and depression are at all times highs, with loneliness a true epidemic. Calling out the real need for human connection and saying out loud that we are lonely is the first step in decreasing the loneliness that more common than we all care to admit.